you want everything to stay the same, until you're ready for it to change. but you can't do that. you can't expect the whole world to stand still until you're ready.

we all cast away priceless time in dreams, too much of it actually. born of imagination, more less fed upon illusion.

sometimes this could be a lot easier. i want to spill it, to some natural extent of hoping for the best. im literally choking on my own words. swallowing them, isnt taking its toll yet. if thats the case, we're clearly , horribly slow. take the time & drive away. its obvious theres something thats pulling us apart, whatever it is, it wont pull us under. this could of been written in cheap poetics, but id rather go on with empty speech. sleep under the moonlight and lets count the stars. lets steal one and call it ours. dress it up and make it look like somethings its not. so i'll just write another letter and not wanting a reply because i dont really want to know what you've got to say. i lied and said okay.

im wasting time, a lot of it actually. i havent put much thought into anyting lately, which i should. soon i'll be back to the start. i rather be there than anywhere. towards the end, regret.

'regret for the things we did can be tempered by time ; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsoable'

maybe im totally on the wrong page here, i could be overally wrong here, seeming i usually am. im finding out its been so long , since ive heard a sound that sounded so familiar. would i actually do this again? i mean , you think ive learned. i turned away a few times. i wish i could say its all yours, completely yours, but i cant just yet. its soon going to be too late, and im still here with the same take as before, just a little more forwarded.

stay with me.
its never too late. . .

every morning decides to plan out the same. the kitchen's cold and the coffee's warm, but the thought of you hasnt awakened me just yet. the worse hasnt patted me on the back quite yet. staring at these reflections are never going to get old. you had your time to heal, so have i. lets pretend, that the exact thought isnt in the back of your head either.

ive tried to cover this up as much as possible, but this isnt getting any easier on me, nor you. i can tell time is the total interference. theres really not much we can do. its getting down to its bitter limit, we had enough stares for the both of us. im not gunnin' for anything in particular, im not sending you anything in particular, im not smiling for any reason in particular. so stop thinking its you.
you had your time to shine, believe me you never held up to the deal.

days, are going by so fast. that im not even noticing who and what im spending my time with , or doing. but at least its something.

i know for sure that this is all me, im the blame for this one. i mean, lets take a look back and maybe a step back, the words we dont say arent getting in the way, and even if were to complain i wouldnt, because its on me too. i wasnt looking for this in particular, but as always thats when it showed up. im a little closed minded towards this type of senerio, its just ive been here before, actually many times. i lost count, not literally, but to this extent, where your so close to tasting it? but its not always that close. times like these, loves to fail us. times like this, loves to bail on us more. its starting time, unfortunely were way past that, with no intentions on looking back, no intentions of really ever looking ahead. the stakes are high, just a little higher this time. no longer anymore amount of time, only a few words to say, and everything is gonna change. lets keep it. dont breathe this in right yet, i mean . . rushy a little.

i dont mind saying,.

everything is being thrown at once. hearts beating so fast, its probably not worth making. maybe its time we reconsider. every single time you throw words my way, i over analyze them. i guess i took it all for granted, your promises obviously mean absoultley nothing. i'll never let this go, in the mean time im never gonna follow through either. .

12;38

seems like we've been holding on now for too long. its starting to die, well for me that is. dont take it to offence its just . . its . . getting tiring, and its actually been like that now for a while. your playing the wrong cards, your playing it all wrong, but take my hand? im in the same deal. lets not make a sound, and wait for the right cards to play its part, and wait for the right words to finally make its apperance.

you got it all wrong

it dont take all day to find your words. im taking this all in.
the warmth is starting to fade, along with your sudden assumptions.
time is changing everything.

im not sorry at all , your just a decoy . .

it dont belong

i havent been speaking of what im thinking for some time now, i refuse to use words to make some sort of an connection. its always been like that, forever. i cant even remember the last time i spoke of something and actually meant what i was saying, thats going to take its toll sooner or later. its just getting to close to someone always ends up not the way it started, then there left with every word you have ever said to them, some might not even mean anything to you, but to them it might mean a whole different story, with a whole different timing. with this, its more of i want people to think of what im going to say or what i want to say, so i dont really have to speak for myself moreless. in the moment? take me for granted, i'll never speak of you, nor what happened.
a lot has been happening.

but at some point , i knew for sure . .

mixed thoughts? i usually dont have the time to sort them out, actually lets get a little bit honest here . . im not really up for sorting them out. its happens more then it should, sometimes more then it could. but here it goes again, i just brush them off, and really , theres times i shouldnt be even thinking about it. it might even lead into something that im still not totally set on and about this time as usual it will. ive turned my back on sudden thoughts that should no longer really be 'sudden' because ive heard them all before, not exactly sure when , and why? but at some point, i knew for sure. and thats not common, i mean to know something is 'for sure', usually dont last overly that long, and im taking things for granted lately, its more and likely the reason behind everything, most things. its just everything has been going my way for a good amount of time now, and ive been expecting a whole lot more lately. what exactly? i cant quite tell you what. i cant even tell myself what, and thats the worse about not having all these answers all the time. i could just assume stuff forever, but where would that get me? in the same spot where i started. and i cant even remember the beginning anymore, and its just me. things could be a little different at the moment, and i havent really taken much thought into either, but for so long when so much just decides to blow up at one time, how can you not?

nothings as real as our old reckless ways.

aint the same as it use to be

ever felt like giving up on something?
something you wanted so bad, something you could not wait for?
that everytime you thought about it , it made you sick to your stomach?
but everytime you thought about it more, you didnt want it.

as the nights gets shorter, and my time gets shorter, ive realized stuff dont come to you as easy as you might want it too. everything decides to start to feel the same, sound the same and even maybe look the same. maybe its me? im overboard.

the moon can get so bright and the nights can get so cold, but most things start to look faint, not totally faded, just really close to it. everything can fall, but you still have no belief. belief in what? wonder what could happen? if you wanted everything to go your way, you still wouldnt be happy. more and likely im speaking for myself, or maybe im not . .

your looking too ?

is it true . . are you always like this? maybe we should stay awake and actually put time into this. im really not up for wasting time, and to be honest im not really up for trying but when i think twice it changes. our time is coming to an end, summer fades to fall.

a little fast

i knew this be happening again sometime soon. i shouldnt be doubting myself nor the sudden things that been happening lately. but then again im up for that . . i think so anyways. im never sure, im always regretting, im always 'what if '. ive learned more about myself in the past month then i ever did. that mighten be the best but who's counting the scores? i mean, whatever makes you smile right? hm.

waiting to . . . happen?

when you think you have everything resolved, it backfires.
not always that bad type though.

maybe, im assuming things, maybe you are too?
its just i hate this feeling, of waiting.
waiting for something that could happen?
or maybe waiting to happen?
i clearly have no answers to anything.

its more of a tired , fed up, could care less feeling, but when you think about it more and more its far from it. im use to it. as many times as i could count, you could never reach my number. but thats okay, we all seen this before.

id just like to have some questions answered, but then again, i wont be the one asking them. this time around, i should of been more careful , but ohno, same situation again, ha. this is becoming a joke, or i could be taking this too far.

im letting days and nights go by? i shouldnt be dancing all these nights away.
your nothing at all.

take it?

im almost there. i havent taken the time to realize what i missed exactly. i wish it wasnt as bright. but then again everyone knows its gonna get harder and a lot darker. there's just some things you cant get back. lets set the deal? take it? then again, i wont be , as usual.

back it up

i swear, you could of picked a better ending for all this. dont hate the game , hate the player? i think i hate it both. is this the way it goes? no one sees it coming except you ? i have a lot of questions and not much time for answering before i get blocked out all together, i mean what are we suppose to do in the mean time? just act like nothing happened, like nothing ever went our way. . hold up, like nothing ever went YOUR way? ohh, i got it, we have to pretend that feelings were never put to place, and their to tell everyone the truth their still there. where did i think i was going with this? nor you. i think this happens more than it should, im always the one faking, maybe thats truely the way i have to go about it. its not me. it cant be me. its me.

sorry for the nights i cant remember . .

so, this is never getting old for me? or for anyone is this case. apparently its always our fault, that it rains at the most imperfect times, and when it do it rains hard. its always the most interesting times when it decides to fail us, one at a time. i should be use to this, and the worse part is . . im not. im always saying 'it takes time', im good at lying when it comes to this, no one will ever figure me out.

if you dont know me by now, you will never ever know me.

your eyes arent so bright anymore

i actually have took the time to remember your name. to tell you the truth ive forgtten all about you. your smile isnt so cute anymore, your eyes arent so bright anymore.


needless to say , you make me smile ; without even realizing it. my heart skips a beat when im in your presence.love ? or lust ? pretty much not totallly sure yet.but i know there's some kind of connection between us. how can i tell if its for sure though? i guess you will really never know until you try it & thats the scary part , knowing if im wrong will kill , literally .risk ?im not willing to try, or to love, forcing into things will never work - but then again i never felt this way over anyone and im not willing , my own fault & guess what ? i could care less what happens next.

dear boy , your cute & all . . . . but, theres something missing. never is a long time , but i can wait. im sure you understand. mixed feelings put to shame and no i dont love you. k? thx.

love, me

reading your note over again

theres not one word that i comprehend, lets sort this out for a second and while were at it we can stop with the mixed signals. i want you to follow through and just spill your guts, seeming it feels like ive been waiting in line forever , for something that i cant have. so the rain is gonna fall harder at these more imperfect times, we'll blame it on someone and crave for another belonging. to see my name coming out of your mouth makes everything just a little warmer . i had this feeling that the looks you gave me were real , the smile you gave me made me weak , but everything is starting to darken. and it seems its gonna be a while without light , until you brighten up and notice whats in front of you. sweetie , you almost had me, your words are silent , mostly getting in the way. your time to blink, your not missing anything , important ..anyways.