i know for sure that this is all me, im the blame for this one. i mean, lets take a look back and maybe a step back, the words we dont say arent getting in the way, and even if were to complain i wouldnt, because its on me too. i wasnt looking for this in particular, but as always thats when it showed up. im a little closed minded towards this type of senerio, its just ive been here before, actually many times. i lost count, not literally, but to this extent, where your so close to tasting it? but its not always that close. times like these, loves to fail us. times like this, loves to bail on us more. its starting time, unfortunely were way past that, with no intentions on looking back, no intentions of really ever looking ahead. the stakes are high, just a little higher this time. no longer anymore amount of time, only a few words to say, and everything is gonna change. lets keep it. dont breathe this in right yet, i mean . . rushy a little.

i dont mind saying,.

everything is being thrown at once. hearts beating so fast, its probably not worth making. maybe its time we reconsider. every single time you throw words my way, i over analyze them. i guess i took it all for granted, your promises obviously mean absoultley nothing. i'll never let this go, in the mean time im never gonna follow through either. .

12;38

seems like we've been holding on now for too long. its starting to die, well for me that is. dont take it to offence its just . . its . . getting tiring, and its actually been like that now for a while. your playing the wrong cards, your playing it all wrong, but take my hand? im in the same deal. lets not make a sound, and wait for the right cards to play its part, and wait for the right words to finally make its apperance.

you got it all wrong

it dont take all day to find your words. im taking this all in.
the warmth is starting to fade, along with your sudden assumptions.
time is changing everything.

im not sorry at all , your just a decoy . .

it dont belong

i havent been speaking of what im thinking for some time now, i refuse to use words to make some sort of an connection. its always been like that, forever. i cant even remember the last time i spoke of something and actually meant what i was saying, thats going to take its toll sooner or later. its just getting to close to someone always ends up not the way it started, then there left with every word you have ever said to them, some might not even mean anything to you, but to them it might mean a whole different story, with a whole different timing. with this, its more of i want people to think of what im going to say or what i want to say, so i dont really have to speak for myself moreless. in the moment? take me for granted, i'll never speak of you, nor what happened.
a lot has been happening.

but at some point , i knew for sure . .

mixed thoughts? i usually dont have the time to sort them out, actually lets get a little bit honest here . . im not really up for sorting them out. its happens more then it should, sometimes more then it could. but here it goes again, i just brush them off, and really , theres times i shouldnt be even thinking about it. it might even lead into something that im still not totally set on and about this time as usual it will. ive turned my back on sudden thoughts that should no longer really be 'sudden' because ive heard them all before, not exactly sure when , and why? but at some point, i knew for sure. and thats not common, i mean to know something is 'for sure', usually dont last overly that long, and im taking things for granted lately, its more and likely the reason behind everything, most things. its just everything has been going my way for a good amount of time now, and ive been expecting a whole lot more lately. what exactly? i cant quite tell you what. i cant even tell myself what, and thats the worse about not having all these answers all the time. i could just assume stuff forever, but where would that get me? in the same spot where i started. and i cant even remember the beginning anymore, and its just me. things could be a little different at the moment, and i havent really taken much thought into either, but for so long when so much just decides to blow up at one time, how can you not?

nothings as real as our old reckless ways.

aint the same as it use to be

ever felt like giving up on something?
something you wanted so bad, something you could not wait for?
that everytime you thought about it , it made you sick to your stomach?
but everytime you thought about it more, you didnt want it.

as the nights gets shorter, and my time gets shorter, ive realized stuff dont come to you as easy as you might want it too. everything decides to start to feel the same, sound the same and even maybe look the same. maybe its me? im overboard.

the moon can get so bright and the nights can get so cold, but most things start to look faint, not totally faded, just really close to it. everything can fall, but you still have no belief. belief in what? wonder what could happen? if you wanted everything to go your way, you still wouldnt be happy. more and likely im speaking for myself, or maybe im not . .