i feel like going to bed, and sleep for all december month. i hate winter, and you don't make me melt anymore. i feel like crap, honestly, something is eating away at my smiles.
fml.

im never gonna come through, ive noticed that alot lately. whatever it is going on, i dont come through. no matter what the deal is, i just cant. maybe i dont have the heart to say it, and you did.

whatthefuckisup?

lately, things hasn't been great. lately, things just hasn't been going my way. not trying to be selfish or anything, but fuck when it rains, it pours. im been scared lately, haven't felt the same for some time now. your actually eating away at my smiles. i need to feel something that's real. i just can't picture it, not yet. but i dont want to do this, but i guess sometimes you need too. who knows, this could be good. hm.

Cha Ching.

So, Last week, Thursday to be exact. 2:10 am, I arrive in Toronto, Why? To be in Hedley's new video, 'Cha-Ching'. Was absoutley amazing! Got to spend time with the band and be on set. Probably was the best day ever, to date.

at the end of the day, i realize that you're all I really want.when all the confusion clears and I think about my life,I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have next to me than you.

im not.
its not me.
nothing more i can do.
maybe its time..
again with the maybe's.
ugh.

whuddup confused.

times are changed

things are different, your different. maybe its me? im overboard?

i hate being like this, but theres no other away around it. i failed along the way before, and its no doubt im about to do it all over again. i wish there was a way to stop time, or maybe get some of it back.

there's gotta be a better way, im gone.

Sometimes there is nothing to be said. Sometimes nothing should be said. I just want to find someone who won’t run away. Someone to look me in the eyes and tell me it’s okay that things don’t always go right. That this is how life works, and how it will always work. That it’s not going to be easy. Today, tomorrow, the next day, but it will somehow get better.

how come school doesnt teach you the most important things in life?, i mean this is/was the place we spent most of our time willing to learn new things, apparently the most important things. never did they teach us things we would need to know. they dont teach you how to walk away from someone you dont love any longer. they dont teach you how to know whats going on in someone elses mind. or how to be happy, or what to say to someone whos dying or how to fend for yourself, they dont teach you anything worth knowing . .

i believe the most difficult situation you can ever be faced with is deciding whether you should just move on or hold on a little tighter. move on and maybe you'll lose a chance at the best thing that could have ever happened, or hold on and have the possibility of one day being the biggest disaster created.

Things that make life worth living :

falling in love, hearing your favorite song on the radio, lying in bed listening to the rain outside, milkshakes, bubble baths, giggling, long conversations late at night, the beach, running through sprinklers, laughing at an inside joke, laughing at yourself, laughing so hard your stomach hurts, laughing for absolutely no reason at all, just plain laughing, having someone tell you that you're beautiful, friends, accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you, waking up anbd realizing you still have a few hours to sleep, first kisses, making new friends or spending time with old ones, playing with a new puppy, sweet dreams, hot chocolate on a winters day, road trips with friends, making chocolate chip cookies, holding hands with someone you care about, watching the sunrise, watching a sunset, getting out of bed in the morning after sleeping in, knowing that someone misses you.

Compare ; examine and note the similarities or differences.

One thing that actually makes me sick to my fucking stomach. Most of us compare us to other people. Honestly why do it? We are all different people, different minds, different thoughts, different personalities, key word different. Of fucking course we might have something similar along the line. Once you fucking compare me to anything you were involved with - I'll never ever forget it. Its actually amazing how some people could mean so much to you, then all they have to say it a few words, maybe even a sentence, and things will never be the same. You did it this time. Its printed. Engraved.

this isnt going to take anymore time to get use too, im there. lately everything has been eating away at my smiles. time is getting short. honestly it was nothing anyways, im still doubting, you moreless. if everything was set forever, i wouldnt be smiling. i havent seen the sun for some time now, i havent seen you for some time now. maybe , again , sometime we could meet? maybe. i havent shut the whole thing down, i havent totally shut everyone out, but its close. closer than ever. this time i can taste it. bittersweet. i had enough. ive seen more of these walls then i did my whole damn life. thoughts run more smoothy, but thats the only thing. i loved the times when my thoughts didnt, and everything else joined it. its just the pounding in the chest that cant stop, it isnt me anymore. its nowhere near. who knew, this could of been.

im tired of waiting here with my heart left on my sleeve.
ive been here before, multiple times, and nothings changed.
pieces are missing, i wish you'd fess up and let me see them.
ive seen everything else, even the stuff i didnt want too.
and everything i did.
but. .

back then things were a little different, it was almost what i wanted, clearly what i overly needed. times changed, everything changed. i've changed.

thats what you get when you let your heart win.

<3 ,.

in a sea of pulses ,
my heart beats only for you.

i guess its not that obvious, that its you , you that dont make me smile.
but the past, haunts me like crazy, i wish you could see it like me.
i guess its not that obvious, that i hate the way you look at me.
but what you want , isnt exactly what i want.
i guess its not that obvious, that i hate the fact you were ever around.
but thats the truth.

throwing cheap shots in this stubborn fight.
and were not stuck in the moment.
& its not hard for me to breathe.

goodbyes waves & driveways.
your last look.
my last words.
trembling in silence.
for now,
forever.
boy.

it always comes back to 'a waste of time' and im pretty sure thats exactly what its all about.
it always comes back to 'i wish i never cared so much' and im pretty sure thats exactly what im all about.

its not want i want, its want i need. im too weak to be your cure.


let me up, let me out , my lips are trembling and i cannot make a sound. love betrays me is this almost over now? the walls caved in , the roof fell down and i am finally tired of the lying and the cloud that follows you.

you're wondering where your going next.